If I may quote the disembodied head of the late Richard Milhouse Nixon (by way of Futurama):
"The loot. The loot. The loot is on fire."

Well, the very last bit is untrue. The loot is very nice. But I'll get to that in a bit.

I have been repeatedly and emphatically informed that nothing is more attractive than a boy who bakes. No doubt I shall now be forced to beat the womenfolk (except the one) off with a stick, as I participated in a veritable orgy of baking on Christmas Eve at the Anzinger residence. What a lot of cookies. Tasty, tasty, cookies... My particular innovation was placing round red sprinkles in the nose area of reindeer shaped cutouts. It was brilliant, terribly brilliant. Also on Christmas Eve, I received some excellent CD's with which to begin my CD collection, these being Weezer and Revolver, from Kate.

Now the main body of presentry also has some real gems. The Pythons Autobiography is so far fantastic stuff. If you are unfamiliar with the works of Monty Python, I am afraid I must pity you. Also under the tree were the extended editions of both The Fellowship of the Ring and The Two Towers. I'll have to abduct Larsen and educate him on the background of the film he has so derided recently. Or something.

Also, The Complete Far Side is an unspeakably heavy two-volume set. I can only assume it contains Far Side comics, which would make it fantastic.

Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night.

Mmm... shopping. Went on a bit of a double date with the Girl, which is to say we brought along Peter and Eric. No, they're not gay that I know of; they don't even dress particularly well. But there was shopping, and low, low prices at Rolling Stone. Transportation issues prevented me from visiting hospitalized Alex. Hang in there, you crazy bastard.

Now, back to rebutting Larsen:
Fruity? It's an EPIC, man. If you're looking for a fruity epic, go watch Spartacus. Frankly, the movie is going to be even better once it weighs in at four hours or so. Extended Edition is going to tie the story together a little more and add an extra helping of sweet, sweet carnage. The ending isn't as clean as it could be, but a little denouement never hurt anybody. Seriously, if you haven't seen the first two movies, you're not in a particularly good position to review it. It's called a trilogy for a reason.

Closing thought:
Kate: "You aren't one of those boys who tries to get his girlfriend to watch Lord of the Rings, are you?"
Me:"Er... um... not anymore."

To continue my tradition of posting the results of the latest scholastic bowl ventures, back on Saturday we went to Von Steuben for a tournament, and were fairly successful. 5-0 in the morning, but we lost a close game to Rufus King in the afternoon elimination. A little too slow and a little too unlucky, as we got some atrocious bonuses, such as "What are the four major tournaments of the Professional Bowler's Association of America?" Anyway, it was a good day overall.

Return of the King is damn good. "A pretty fruity movie" indeed, Larsen. Hmph. It's got action, it's got drama, it's got a little bit of comedy. 3.5 hours, and you could tell that movie wanted to be longer, but it was still great stuff. And the battles were just stunning, although I did miss the climactic one due to lack of stamina on my part. Anyway, It was seen with the aforementioned D&D group on Sunday, and a good time was had by all.

Also, Kate is back for the next six weeks. I am elated, euphoric, ecstatic, and several other words for "happy" that don't begin with 'e'.

And then there are apps. The good news is no one else seems to wqant quite as much essay as Stanford. The bad news is I still have apps to do. Blergh.

Despite that little setback, merry Christmas to all.

Yay! Lack of school! This pleases me greatly. of course, I'm going to be doing college apps during the break, but it's still an improvement in free time. Fortunately, an excellent use of my free time is about to become available.

You know, a lot of people have already seen Return of the King and they seem to figure that since I haven't seen it yet, that gives them more geek points than me. But they are neglecting one crucial, crucial point: I am going to see it with my Dungeons & Dragons group... So there. To beat me now, you're going to have to go in costume, and frankly, I don't think you people have the cojones for that. Or the conejos, for that matter.

Congratulations to all y'all Kairos leaders, especially Maciej and Kohout. I would pay to watch Group Maciej. Not that I trhink Kohout won't be a great leader; I just don't think he's as prone to wacky hijinx. Prove me wrong, Kohout, prove me wrong. Then tell me all about it.

Course, where some have succeeded, others have failed. No leadership for me (or Siby or Kiefer or etc.). Maybe next time. Ah well. The upside is I don't have to do the whole massive workload thing.

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas.

So, Kairos application is in too now. I'm just a regular bundle of getting-applications-done now. Before Kate gets too hopeful that I've abandoned my procrastinating ways, I must admit they changed the due date from Friday to today, but in my defense I did not learn this until yesterday.

The Physics test turned out to be a fascinating exercise in reasonable assumptions. I feel like I did the problems correctly, but I my knowledge is not so sure that I am convince that I did not in fact do them in an entirely incorrect way. Even the sentences I write about it are confusing morasses of multiple uses of nested verbs.

Also, as an odd coincidence, Kate's birthday and the release of Return of the King fall on the same day. Happy Birthday, Kate!

Done. With. Stanford. Booyah! Not a day too soon, as it were. Now I suppose I should get to work on the others shortly.

So, in case anyone noticed, I wasn't in school yesterday, because I was sick. The sinus infection seems to have built a new outpost in the stomach region, so I didn't want to throw up on all you good people. But I'm pretty much ok now.

Oh. Interesting occurrence today. The official duration of my Kairos was extended to this morning. Alas, nothing more can be revealed here.

On that note, Good luck to all the Kairos leader applicants, especially Siby and Maciej, cause they've tried already and they would be awesome leaders. Of course, a lot of people would be awesome leaders, but these two especially. It would so rock to have a D3 group at Kairos. Of course, I've got to do the leader application in a bit too.

Let's see... I've also put up a link to Fenwick's favorite faux Frenchman, Tom Larsen (Larçon), the Ragin' Cajun. He's got a guitar, I hear.

No radio today, because I had homework to catch up on, andAlexx is still out. We may have an opportunity to get a slot at a less ungodly hour; I'll keep folks up to date. I've got one heck of a rant waitin' for the return from hiatus.

Apps, apps, apps, appity app app apps. Yep. I know most of you people are done with them, 'cause you got that "planning ahead" thing going. But I gots me some essays to do so I can trun them in online before zero hour. Stanford due Monday. Then I get to breathe a little and do MIT and U of C for the 1st. Nothing says Christmas like essays, but I can proabably get them done before then.

Ah well, just have to keep riding those warm, fuzzy Kairos feelings.

Yeah, good luck to Maciej and Mr. to-the-Ohout on their first scho-bowl coaching expedition.

Alex is still out, unfortunately. He is much missed by me and others. For example, Siby asked me to say this:
"Yeah alex, siby just wanted me to tell ya this: 'alex, we all know you're a wizard, so work your magic and come back soon!'"

So do that.

One more thing: There's a new link up in the madness section, sent by my good friend Al. It is quite delirious. Check out the shoes.

JOY~! as Maciej would say. I'm back from great Kairos. It was awesome. Like, really, really awesome. Seeing as I can't divulge the super secrets of Kairos, I just have some words of wisdom. Kairos is about people, and people are great. Or close enough. It's kinda about whatever you want it to be about, except maybe dinosaurs or flying fish or Jello. Well, now I'm thinkiing it could be about those things, especially Jello.

It was really a "shocking" experience "four" me.

The folowing people deserve mention (yell at me if you think I'm giving away too much, but I'm going to be pretty vague):

--
Blake, of course, super rector.
Jo Nathan Walters and Tricia Tardella, awesome leaders in a great group.
Katie Napes, for being another great leader and just being awesome in general.
Kevin Altier, Scho-bizzle MVP and great guy.
The above two addressed as a unit, two great tastes that go great together. Or something like that.
Gotta mention Sean Harmon. We bonded. I'm tempted to say there was urine involved, and there was, but saying that does give a terrifying cast to the experience.
Countless others, but I can't mention everybody. The whole group was great.

Maciej and Siby, for keeping the joy alive and spreading the (incredibly vague) goodness.
--
How many times did I just use "awesome"? At least four. I never say awesome. I think I stole that word from Katie.

Okay, as long as I'm spreading love, I have to mention someone who wasn't anywhere near Kairos but was in my thoughts all the time.
WARNING! Skip the following paragraph if you can't stand this sort of thing:


-------------
I'm in love with the most wonderful girl ever. A really thoughful, smart, beautiful, and super-cool girl named Kate( Anzinger, just so Kevin doesn't think I'm trying to steal his girl or anything).Er, anyway... I love you, Kate my dear.
-------------


Okay, that's probably the last time I'll something that much towards Kate on the blog. I blame Kairos. That's one of the great parts of Kairos. Whatever it is, you get to use it as an excuse to be cheerful and emotional and huggy for a month or so. There's people gettin' hugged tomorrow.

But it doesn't look like I'll be able to hug Alex tomorrow. My co-host and friend here, I have just heard today, is now in the hospital. He seemed to be in really bad shape before I left for Kairos, but I didn't think it was that bad. Get well soon, Alex. Good luck. You have to make it to January Kairos and stuff.

LOVE, HOPE, JOY~!
-Jerome

Yep. Goin' to Kairos in an hour. Packed. I am oddly non-excited. Of course, I have no idea what to expect. So there you have it. It's a real good group though; It should be a lot of fun.

Note to self: When doing a radio show, make sure that once it starts recording, it stays recording. I did a really good show today, at least as best as can be had without Alex. Unfortunately, it wasn't recorded, so I just talked to myslef for 20 minutes about Russian elections and the South African Wooly-Breasted Walrus.

You heard me. South African Wooly-Breasted Walrus. It was that good. But that's part of the rant, so I'll read it next time.

A Kairos I will go, then.

Best quote of the day courtesy of my German professor,

" You give Oberlin people numbers and its like they're on drugs. "


The ironic twist is not lost on me as one of the two majors that I'm strongly considering pursueing, Biochemistry, requires 2.5 semesters worth of Calculus. alas.

And in tribute to the time honored concept of randomness: whenever I hear the Clash song "Spanish songs in Andulucia" I try to sing along in Spanish, but the syllable cadence gets out of whack and I can't keep up. I wonder if there is a recording of it in Spanish. I wonder if anyone else has tried this or if it can be done.

Sorry for the long delay folks, but I've been busy with influxes of homework and Scho bowl and math team and last but not least working on college apps.

But here I am, ready to provide more fabulous amusement for the good people of cyberspace (and probably Fenwick). And to speak to the success of our movement, I've spotted a member of the Fenwick faculty rating teachers. I would check for what they are, but I'm trapped in study hall and RateYouTeachers has been blocked (for students).

Also, yesterday myself and the good Kevin Altier made our amateur acting auditioning premiere. We weren't that bad, but we won't be the main attraction of the film club movie. For that you'll need to go to Joe "Fro Joe" O'Connor, master thespian. Damn, thespian is a funny word. But Joe's performances were brilliant.

Okay, so, just to continue my trend of posting Scho bowl results, Varsity is now 4-1 on the season. The loss was an unbearably close game vs. Marist. I blame Southern poets. And in a broader sense, the Arts, my oldest and most deadliest foe. The double superlative is used for emphasis.

And also, Alex is alive yet. Really. And it wasn't a piano.

Well, that's about it for the moment. Kairos is fast approaching, and remains perfectly shrouded in mystery. I can only assume it will be buckets of fun.

Alright, brief study hall entry. It's only fair I put up a link to the Toner blog, as he seems good enough to make my list of cool people. I mean, he's a suspicious character and all, but he seems like a nice enough guy. I suppose I ought to listen to his show at some point.

Anyway, back to the chemistry lab. Mmm, magnesium oxide.

And the long weekend is coming to a close. Wave of rage and apathy towards school. Gar. And I still have essays to write. Ah, well, still plenty of time, as I have gotten the counselor parts together. Still, way too much writing to do.

Of course, Kate will surely dispute the threshold for "way too much" as she goes back to impending finals and great big piles of research.

Ooo, Bacchalia. It sounds fascinating. Actually, it sounds like an orgy of alcohol consumption and... orgies. Wacky Ohio-ans... What is the word for a person from Ohio, anyway? Ohians? Ohiese? Ohiode? Okeefenokee? No, that last one is something else. Of course, once they get full-swing into the Bacchalia, they probably don't care much about semantic issues, seeing as they'd be pretty busy making sure they're Bacchaliating properly. and drunk.

But moving on, y'all should check out Truck Dismounter, which I am about to linkify. It's loads of fun. Essentially, the idea is to smash the little man inside the truck with as much force as possible, given that said truck is moving in a purposeful fashion towards a solid wall, with predictable results. My best is 91,572.

And I think we can all guess my opinions on Kate being home for an entire month, but I also agree that her project is cool.

Hmm, Alex hasn't posted in a while; I hope he didn't eat any poisonous turkey, or have a piano dropped on him. That would be unhealthy.

I want to know why Alex hates Ohio. I mean why? it makes no sense.

For all those of you who were thrown into confusion by Alex's comment; the proud state of Ohio does recognize the month of January, in fact the Ohioans celebrate this month above all other months, as a time of great joy and Bacchalia. That's why they send their college students home really, to avoid the Bacchalia; I mean we wouldn't want anyone to get overly Bacchalia saturated.

Oberlin has a thing called Winter Term, when the students either do an internship, reserach, or a personal project of some sort. My project will be a combination really of all the above elements. I will be doing research on the ethnic devlopment and regentrification of Chicago. My main focus will be Uptown and Old Town and the West Side of Chicago.

Uptown + Old Town= very cool

I may also be working as an intern for the CCFR, although I think that I may actually end up doing that this summer instead, hopefully.

I will also be taking some classes at the Old Town School of Music. I might take a class in swing dancing, Bhangra, or Break dancing; maybe West African dance we'll see (they have so many it's hard to choose). I want to take some art classes as well but that's looking like it may end up being a summer project. The School of the Art Institute is booked pretty solid, and the scheduling won't work for me + very pricey. I'd like to take some drawing and painting classes though, and I'm going to try to fit them in. I'll take some private violin and piano lessons at the Old Town School of Music too. I'd love to visit NYC somewhere in there too.

Most people head home for Winter Break, at the moment I know of no one who's staying except Bitchzila. I thought of staying and taking Russian but that would be crazy- hard-impossible. The project that I'm going to be doing is so much cooler. So I'll be home.

Is that not cool? I'm very excited, now all I have to do is survive finals and lose my wisdom teeth and I'm set.

Yay! I will dance now. The Girl is here! And by The Girl I mean, of course, Kate.

I wish I had something else to say. I'm not used to making such short posts. Anyway, the problem was hotmail. Those bastards at Microsoft think they know how links should work, and were "correcting" the blog invite links in such a way as to make them useless. Bleh.

WHEE~!

It worked!!!!!!!!! I'm on now. Phew, that's been like what a week, maybe two, in the making?

Oh that's what a weed out class is. There are a whole bunch of people down the hall in a weed out class; they talk about Puritanism at 3am in the morning during their band rehearsal in our hall bathroom. I met them when I went to go brush my teeth one night. Although they are more in the shroomer category. People should stay away from shrooms, hallucinating during a chem lab is very bad. My bio class is a traditional weed-out class. Be advised that Alex says every college sounds full of beer,

So that Finding Nemo movie everyone was talking about? It is good. I just saw it in the traditional post-Thanksgiving rented-movie watching. Well, technically, it's not tradition, ast his is the first time I recall doing it, but the point is, Finding Nemo is a funny movie.

Oh, and Happy Thanksgiving to all and sundry.

Alex: Procrastinate? Me? Not until tomorrow. You're one to talk about lazy, common app boy. Really, I don't know why I even associate with commoners like you. U of I is just so I have decent school to go to if all my other app catch fire or are contaminated with anthrax or are needed to complete an arcane ritual which prevents the Earth's core from spinning. We have that movie too, but I haven't gotten to it yet. I'm sure the science is impeccable.

Although really, I have nothing against small liberal arts schools. I am applying to one, for variety's sake. And U of C doesn't have engineering, either... So, pthbbbt!

So, about weed out classes: I assume these are either very difficult classes designed to eliminate people from certain areas of study, or... They involve copious intake of marijuana for the purposes of philosophical insights (such as "Whoa! String.").

Speaking of Thanksgiving, apparently President Bush had his Thanksgiving dinner in Baghdad with a group of American soldiers, after flying into Baghdad with ninja-like secrecy and stealth. Gutsy. I mean, I'm willing to admit it has the air of a publicity stunt, but still, gutsy. This I can applaud him for. He actually has a respectable streak going today: earlier, he stated that he believes that Muslims and Christians worship the same God. Now, I haven't ever heard anything to the contrary, but apparently this is madness to some of the fundamaniacs in his voter base. Happy Thanksgiving, Mr. President.

Damn Thanksgiving spirit of unity. I feel so conflicted. Well, that's probably enough for today.

"As God is my witness, I thought turkeys could fly!"

How come I figured that Pat would leave his apps until the last minute. He is such a procrastinator. I was lucky enough to have 4/5 colleges I'm applying to accept the Common App. That made my life so much simpler. However, I cannot say that I'm going to college anywhere as I did not apply to U of I. But why apply somewhere that I'd never go? it just didn't make sense. Besides, I think it'd actually be harder for me to get in there than the lower tier school on my list.

In Western Civ. yesterday, two girls who are currently attending U of I stopped by for a visit. So we got to hear about what they think of the place and their general impression of college. We also talked about weed-out classes, which makes me wonder: Is "The Girl" currently taking any weed-out classes? Anywho, U of I sounds big and full of beer.

Now me, I usually go for the small, liberal arts colleges. Hence, all the colleges I'm applying to are of that genre. Pat on the otherhand, goes in for those crazy engineering type colleges where his only choices will be to develop a cyborg hand or be eaten by sharks.

I want to wish everyone a very pleasent Thanksgiving and I hope that everyone eats more Turkey than they can digest. After all they Turkey have been genetically engineered to such an extent that if they were left to roam in the wild, their legs would break due to the extreme weight of their bodies and they are so fat that they'd probably sufficate. God Bless America. If you are a vegitarian, I have no sympathy for you and your bad-tasting tofu turkey.

Cranberry Sauce,
Dr. Rudolph Q. Suspendo

Thank God It's Tuesday. Woo! Five-day weekend!

If Alex raises the topic, I'm obliged to comment, right. Excellent. Alex is entirely right about the imminence of the arrival of the Girl... One... His "sea of love" metaphor is too deep for me to fathom, however. Ahem. I think I want the life jacket, but when you take the phrase "drowning in a sea of love" on its own it sounds rather pleasant. Actually, it sounds like it should be a song title too, but I'm not going to write one if it isn't. Although I'll write "1" on my hand. Once you start writing things on your hands, it's hard to stop. Hands are so... handy... that way. I mean, paper can get lost, but if you lose your hand, you've got much bigger problems than forgetting to do physics homework or summat. Problems like blood loss. Although it does give you the opportunity to get a cyborg hand, which could probably be designed to have a excellent writing surface, or a built in PDA. Mmm... cyborg hands. Hmm, I'm not sure I like the sound of that.

The show went well today, but was unfortunately short. But the "lost episode" should come up at the same time as this one. No rant, but a well-reasoned critique of the Farmer's Almanac's fashion advice.

Alex's gift for phrase-smithing knows no limit or bound of good taste. Moving on...

I so want a cyborg hand now. But I don't want to lose one of these crazy bio-hands that I've already got. Such a quandary. Of course, I don't know where to get a cyborg hand, anyway. Maybe I could build one... out of Legos.

Speaking of Legos, HWA! Linkage!
Lego Building Program
It's neat. You need something to waste time during the long weekend. Besides college apps, anyway. Speaking of apps...

I am going to college somewhere! Got the U of I acceptance yesterday. Engineering, too. Go me! Virtual high-fives to all and sundry who would like one.

Well, that's enough rambling for now, at least until I can get a cyborg hand that can type while I do other things...

Well well well...here I am...making another post...even though I have nothing paticularly good to say.

Pat's gotten worse. The arrival of "The Girl" for Thanksgiving is so imminent that he spends all day drawing hearts on the palm of his hand. I'm telling you, this guy's hopeless. He's adrift in a sea of love where he'll either find life jacket, drown, or be eaten by sharks. Take your pick.

Speaking of sharks, out radio show on tommorow. So even though it's 11:30 the night before, I'm still reminding you all to tune in. I have a feeling it's going to be fantabulous. Super Special Thanksgiving Blow-Out Extravaganza.

Busting your hump....or humping your bust?

Q: What sound does an apple make when it's dropped 50ft?
A: Not the sound I was expecting.

That's right. I've been continuing my series of physics experiments in the West Wing stairwell. The apple was the newest addition to the matter that have fallen and reached terminal velocity before impolding and/or exploding. A potted plant, German dictionary, and custard-filled cupcake were previous volunteers in this ongoing experiment.

The results of the apple were quite fascinating. I thought that it's relativly solid structure and hard core might keep it from splatting so terrifically. However, I was mistaken. Not only did the apple splat, but it exploded so magnificently that it all but vaporized. There was no piece of apple bigger than 1" anywhere to be found. I'm sure that will be quite the chore to clean up. My lab assistant, the ever sexy Nick V., has suggested that this become a weekly event. I thought perhaps a banana next. Will the skin break into tiny pieces due to the impact? I'll keep everyone updated.

Remember to stay out of trouble over the long weekend. In other words, don't follow Pat's example.

Peace out my yeomen.

The problem with declaring today's number so early is that now, 18 hours later, the number is still 3. By the way, The Girl remains incredibly beautiful. But that's just going to provoke Alex again. And I think that we can all agree that Alex doesn't need to be provoked.

So let's see. Is there anything I can ramble about today. Besides how great love is. One of these days I'm just going to launch off into that, but I'm trying to resist. Just so everyone is warned. Which reminds me that I managed to get Johnathan Cross to sing "All you need is love" in the library a few days ago. It's funny because it's so out of character.

That's right, I forgot to mention that the party yesterday was in Riverside. ugh. I've seen odd streets before, but, as a city person who thinks the jogs in Narragansett are notable, I was shocked and horrified. A blind, epileptic monkey could have designed a better street system. Urban planning is no place for whimsical, artistic curves, damn it! I stand by my belief that streets should not intersect themselves, as I suspect Riverside's streets would do if they did not suddenly change names after blending into other streets for 50 feet and re-emerging. It boggles the mind.

In other news, The Chicago Bears still have a theoretical chance to reach the playoffs. Take that, Denver!

Seriously, Alex, Me = Button. End of discussion. So please, I don’t want to spend every post refuting your wild accusations.

For the love of God, people, do not make any attempts to translate what Alex said in his last post. That way lies madness.

Moving on. Concert for Cows was awesome. W00T~! Slajhammer! Scharpf, whom I have no clever name for! But it was cool. Me and Julio, Brown-eyed Girl, Blackbird, Norwegian Wood, and lots of other good songs. And the finale of American Pie, which provoked singing-along and dancing in the aisles.

Nick Kohout knows his way around a fire, and has a large umbrella in his pants.

On that note, apparently I sometimes insert too many innuendos into my conversation. I will try to reduce such unwanted insertions. Starting just after that last one.

Today’s number is Three.

If their was ever a person who was so NOT a button, it would definately be Pat. I'm afraid that this argument is going to tear the threesome apart, so we should stop talking about it. Because, as I said before...Pat is not a button.

I stand by my statement that Pat would like to make love to a bear...perferablly a black one, denn Pat hat eine grosse, schwarze, schoene schwanz.

For those of you who understand German, you are no doubt now emotionally disturbed and huddled in a corner rocking back and forth. Therefore, I encourage to direct your attention to the topic of dancing squirrels...they always make things better.

I don't know how many of the people who read this blog are familiar with the ways of Chinese medicine. I just dove into the subject a week ago. My thoughts about it so far are:
-Acupuncture feels kinda wierd...but kinda good.
-Herbal pills taste nasty if they remain on your tounge for any extended period of time.
-I don't like tea.

In other news, tomacco was invented. That's right, some wacked out scientist in Oregon was crazy enough to try and breed a tomato plant with a tobbacco plant and was successfull on his second try. Unfortunately, what the Simpsons didn't tell us is that, when ingested, nicotine is fatal in relativly small amounts. The scientist thinks each piece of tomacco would contain several fatal doses. I always feel uncomfortable when science creates something that the Simpsons made up as a gag involving plutonium.

I have the present-wrapping ability of a blind monkey with three fingers.

I have the present-rapping ability of a white guy from the suburbs.

The most ironical thing that I discovered of the past week was that, in German, the word Funk means radio. Cosmic.

"Wachya talkin' 'bout everyone"

Sigh. Alex, Alex, Alex.

You can't fight this. It comes from a higher authority. I am clearly a button. You don't have to like it; you don't even have to stop puffing up your lower lip when I say it. But, according to international law, the Supreme Court, and, at the very least, Kate, I am a button.

I don't know how you read homosexuality into math practice. It's crazy. Geeze. Don't be so immature, Alex.

Also, random words that mean nothing and sometimes raise painful images are quite unhelpful. If you're going to use a random word, it might as well be something completely random, like "gurzorblernak" or "pretzelfruit".

Also, I did not say anything about making love to a bear. I said, "I should tell them about drop bears." Now, you must understand that the drop bear is a poorly understood creature, native only to Australia, that speaks only Finnish. This is why it is so poorly understood; have you ever heard someone speak Finnish with an Australian accent? Speaking of weird accents and Australia, I'm going to go put up a link to something about the end of the world as soon as I finish rebutting Alex.

Fortunately, this rebuttal (and rebutton-al) is now complete. I'll be back with actual happenings in a bit.

PAt is NOT a button.

He is a butt.

Now, on to other news....Orals jokes were fine when it was with a girl....but this new situation has taken things a bit too far. I know you said your bisexual Pat, but that comment was more along the lines of flamingly homosexual. I'm suprised "The Girl" sticks around after a comment like that...unless it's a turn on. Apparently, he DOES go in for the man sex.

If you want to go to one of the best business schools in the country, you need four years of math.

You know what's funny? Fenwick blocked the "Rate Your Teachers" site. Since the word "game" is nowhere in the title, they must have already discovered this site on their own and blocked it in self-defense. Just for that, I'm going to post bad ratings.

Acupuncture.

The "n" sound is rarely symbolized by a "c"....or so the legend goes.

I am virtually stabbing Pat. He is not a button.

Castration.

You know what's fun? Maciej and I going up in Creative Writing and doing an entire presentation about figurative language and haikus on the fly. Except for Gair-bear, we didn't have anything to say...but that's the beauty of making it up as you go along. If you would like some explanation of who Gair-bear is....too bad.

Pat is not a button.

Pat says that he wants to drop his pants and make love to a bear.

He is not a button.

For all of you who want a translation of what I said in German yesterday....it translates into: Fat Anna likes her liquor.

Alex has called something important to my attention...

I am a button.

Alex finds my status as a button infuriating. He provides no explanation for this; therefore, I assume it is for religious reasons. You see, Alex belongs to an obscure Christian sect, known as the Zipperterians, who consider the use of point-fasteners a mortal sin.

It's good to know you're behind our three-way Alex. After all, once someone can't keep their end up, it ceases to really be three-way. But I'd like to keep pushing for this to continue...

On that note, I forgot to mention that this week marks the start of practice of the State Math Orals team, consisting of myself and Alex Fogel. Now, as the Senior, I will generally be in the dominant position on the team, but Fogel would not be on the team if he hadn't proven himself so receptive in the classroom. The important thing to remember is that I will be the one presenting, as well as the person doing the mouth work. Alex's role is mainly in preparation. With only ten minutes to prepare, we'll have to get ready quickly so I can effectively present to the judges and deal with any follow-up they request. I think that Mondays practice went well. Though it somewhat short and involved liberal use of chains, Mr. Finnell couldn't find anything too hard for us to handle.

!afro! <-- Check it out!

Hee....hee...hee...Pat said erected. And you call ME a sexual deviant. Let me not have to quote Senator Rick Santorum (you know, the guy who compared homosexual acts to beastiality) about what qualifies as sexual deviance these days.

I am in the library as I post this and I must say that I am acting somewhat undercover because the nazi study hall procter doesn't like kids on the computers unless they're working on a paper that's due next period. Let's just say the procters name is Martha W. no...no....that's too obvious. How about M. Westergaard.

Pat is not a button. Do not let him try to convince you otherwise.

I bet "The Girl" can't join our bloggination device because that crazy lesbian cult college she's going to has some wacky device in their network originally devised to keep students from downloading music. But it's just a guess. However, I do hope she gets on, because, as she said, I don't want the three way to end. Take that as you will.

It's funny that Pat bothers to post Scholastic Bowl results when the majority of people who read this blog are on the team anyway. It just goes to show you that a man who refuses to get an A in a class where the lowest possible A is 80% shouldn't be walking around making incentious remarks about sheep. Take that as you will.

I must end by saying:
Die dicke Anna trinkt ihre Schnapps gern.

Hey, guess what I'm going to post? That's right, Scholastic Bowl results. 3-0, baby! Which means we won both games today. The first game was a bit of a heart-stopper as the opposing team nearly recovered from a huge deficit in the second half, but that rally was cut short by none other than his MVP-ness Kevin Altier, who managed get a physics question. W00T~!

In her last comment, Kate mentioned "We Like The Moon". She also mentioned Alex's bizarre sexual deviancies, but let's not go into that. But rather than force people to track it down for themselves, I have erected a link. It's good stuff. Mind-shattering, but hilarious, until you run away screaming.

But Alex, I though I was your father?

Hee hee.

Also, I am in the library. Posting form within the belly of the beast you might say. Well, you might say it if you were hopelessly poetic.

Which reminds me that Alex thinks I'm hopelessly in love. Which is true as far as it goes, but I'm hopelessly in love and filled with hope, as it were. I'm all about love and hope. I'm a dirty hippy that way. Also, as demonstrated by that last comment The Girl (and cause of my being in love) is named Kate. We're having some technical difficulty getting her onto the blog team, but we'll see if that happens.

Now, I should really be doing homework.

Oh Dear God....I just watched the skeletor segment again....I can't stop laughing. That is truly a brilliant piece of work.

Pat asked me to explain my German comments that I posted yesterday. They roughly translate into: More cushion for the pushin'
German is fun.

Pat is so hopelessly in love, I just don't know what to do. He either posts math team results, or talks about "The Girl"....I mean seriously...this guy is lost. On the subject of math team.....I wouldn't want to be seen at the math team table if I was an incoming freshman...that could sully one's image before they even get into high school. I mean, there are better ways to get all the hot girls than just joining math team--that's the easy way out.

The above paragraph did not make much sense...how unfortunate.

Some English teachers can ruin anything...even Hamlet...how unfortunate.

Sheep.

I must say that the play had awe-some-a power. Those who did not see it should be ashamed and have their Siamese concubines confiscated.

People.....let's all go to the "rate your teachers" link.....the more rating we have, the more precise the results are.

Everyone listen to the Albatross Hour...Pat was the only one on the show today and it'll probably be quite hilarious. The one man radio show is always a bad idea. It's just a good thing he had some music to play.

I must now take the time to flip Siby the virtual bird because he didn't want me on the blog just because I have a father...thats not a good reason.

W00T~! Radio! Alex was missing today though, so I went solo. Future situations sans Alex may feature the one, the only, the incredible Ozga (the one who's a narc), just to give us a far-right wing perspective for me to react to in frightend ways. But today went okay. The rant is of excellent quality, but the news section suffered without Alex. This one's archived already, due to my fabulous oulining-show-during-musical-interludes ability. To your right, you'll not the new links to our '03-'04 Albatross Archives, furnished specially for this occasion, and other occasions on which we do a show. There's a "lost show" that still needs to be outlined; that'll be up soon, too.

And guess who's up to three NHS events? Me, that's who! And probably several others. Peter has five, due to some unexpected accounting of events. He's just that serviceable. Anyway, today I proctored the grade school science contest. The future is in safe hands, folks, at least witht the kids of GB Middle School, whom I found reasonably cool.

Hey, look, I've put up a link to a little description of the real Doctor Funk. Yep, there's a real one. You can't just make up a name this good. A bio-chemist, coincidentally, for those of you in Farran's class. Another fabulous export from Poland, too. Radiation, vitamin deficiency, and the Pope: Connected by more than Poland? We may never know.

Also, I am resisting the urge to make a joke about Dr. Funk studying a chemical in order to "break it down."

That is all.

EDIT: Ooo, wait, no it isn't. There's also a "Rate your teachers" page which The Girl has pointed me to. Very interesting. Have fun with that.

Yes folks, That's Alex. I'm sorry, Siby, but it would have been cruel not to let him on. No, I don't know what he said in German, and I dispute his characterization of me as desperate for German. Desperate for a German, maybe.

Alex did indeed work on the play, which was fantastic. Maciej has destroyed my ability to comment effectively by way of his highlights. And though those may not have been the well-defined abs I was expecting from Dave, I did tell him this morning that he is a very sexy man, and I stand by that. Also, Sweeney is now convinced I'm bisexual. Is it so wrong of me to think that the bisexuals have all of the advantages and none of the drawbacks (well, except for people calling them confused)? Mind you, I don't go in for the man-sex, I just wish those wacky bi's success in their wider field of options. How did this paragraph go from the play to bisexuals? Anyway, Maciej is dead on with his highlights. The only thing that could make that play better was more of "The Entertainer", which is a most excellent piece of ragtime.

Also on Sunday, I learned that very few 8th-graders are interested in the Math Team, while doing the Open House for NHS. I got about three people. Now the Blackfriars table next to me, they got some hits. I dropped by the internet radio table (who had to make their banner out of sheets of paper) and said some stuff about radio killing my dog. If you've got two hours to kill, they were recording through the whole Open House, and Jeff Halm (AKA Jaybird AKA Mini-Slajchert AKA Tubby) and... that other guy, I'm so sorry, please don't sabotage our show... made a brave effort to fill airtime.

Anyway. Show tomorrow! Be here, or be squere! Er... anyway. Listen. I promise you fabulous prizes*

*Prizes are entirely fictional.

-Dr. Casimir Jehosephat Thelonious Funk,
Whose middle names are also entirely fictional.

Well...I see that Pat has been holding down the fort while I've been away. And by away I mean working stage crew at the play. I by the play I mean "The Sting". And by the sting I mean pizza is expensive.

I don't know if it's a good idea for Dr. Funk to have a blog. I mean, he's a big enough procrastinator as it is, and this just gives him an excuse to not do things. But, I guess we all need our excuses.....I just hope he doesn't wear himself out before our radio show.

Speaking of radio shows.....the doctor says that all will be explained in time....so I'm here to explain some of it. The Albatross Hour is a radio show and you can catch it live Tuesday mornings at 7:30. However, if you are not a freak who is sitting at his computer while he should be on his way to school, then you can listen to us archived (providing the funkinator creates some outlines to give to "The Man."

To access the radio show, just go to www.fenwickfriars.com and click on the Internet Radio link. You can also e-mail our show with comments/concerns at albatross@fenwickfriars.com

Did I do a good job of explaining all that?

Did you know that fire is an important part of ecological succession?

Since Pat so desperatly wants me to say something in German:
Mehr Polster für das Stosse!

You know what's cool: monkeys.
Monkeys are awesome.

Also, I have implemented a comments-dealie. It's neat, really. And I'm desparate for attention. So comment away, people. I'm sure this is fascinating. I mean, really, incredibly engrossing. I'm just that cool. I mean, like, engorgingly handsome.

So, Scholastic Bowl was only moderately successful. 4-2 in the morning rounds and 30 pts. short of qualifying for the afternnon tournament. We really sucked the first match though. Wasn't a great day for us, overall.

According to me, the Revolutionary War ended in 1983.
Maciej thinks Apollo's twin sister was Athena (I was thinking Aphrodite), but she, in fact, is Artemis. They all start with A, dammit. Greek bastards. No really, they're Zeus's illegitimate children. So there.

Also, the person who wrote the tournament questions believes "Psychology" is a subject woth as much consideration as, say, math or literature. Greek bastard.... okay fine, I don't know his ethnicity or his legitimacy, or "his" gender for that matter.

Also, the suburbs are crazy. Seriously, who takes a perfectly good intersection and builds a sidewalk across one street so that it becomes a T-intersection and a dead end?! Madness, and yet I have seen this situation multiple times now around Oak Park (aka "O Po") and River Forest (aka "Ro Fo").

In the interest of fostering even greater confusion, I intend to begin using "po-po" as slang for no only "the police" but also "the Pope". Watch for more updates to come on this measure.

-Dr. Albertus Magnus Zanzibar Funk, DDF
(Doctor of Dental Funk)
No, I don't know what that mean either.

They say video killed the radio star, but radio killed my dog.

In intra-Math Team competition, the North Sider Riders proved brighter and righter than the capable Kiefer-Kozbur combination contraposed to them, outscoring them 66-64 after 20 grueling rounds of two-person practice.

Also, Scho-Bowl tournament #1 tomorrow. W00T~! I don't actually recall what tournament it is, but our reign of terror is about to begin.

Today I declare the awesomeness of Robert Burns, Scottish poet superstar. You don't figure on a lot of obscenity form 18th century poets, but DAMN. I was sold after reading "The Fornicator", and the when I got to "Coming Through the Rye" (version 2), I was purely stunned. He also wrote "Auld Lang Syne" so the next time you're singing something you can't understand on New Year's Eve, you know who to blame. Now, you can look up his obscene stuff on your own, people, because this blog has some self-respect, so I'll just give you this very cool love poem. Not that I have any reason to gravitate towards love poems; What on Earth could give you that idea (sidenote: the Girl is still beautiful). Mind you, it's written in Scottish, so it's spelled crazy-like.

O my Luve's like a red, red rose,
That's newly sprung in June:
O my Luve's like the melodie,
That's sweetly play'd in tune.

As fair art thou, my bonie lass,
So deep in luve am I;
And I will luve thee still, my dear,
Till a' the seas gang dry.

Till a' the seas gang dry, my dear,
And the rocks melt wi' the sun;
And I will luve thee still, my dear,
While the sands o' life shall run.

And fare-thee-weel, my only Luve!
And fare-thee-weel, a while!
And I will come again, my Luve,
Tho' 'twere ten thousand mile!

-Robert Burns, 1794

Hmm. Odd coincidence that Siby and I should both put up poems the day he links to me. Siby's poem is also cool.

Don't-look-away-now-because-it's-about-to BLOG!

Dr. Thaddeus Horatio Casimir Funk,
Improperly using the word blog since 1883.

Yep. Still got a blog here. I bet talking about the blog itself is not the best way to keep interest, so it's a good thing no one knows this exists yet. But I got the links going to Siby and the D3 Powerhouse, who are, as aforementioned all very cool people (whose sex lives I promise not to interfere with again). Anyway...

Alex should get her in a day or two. I suspect he will mostly say things which are incomprehensible and/or in German.

Final point: The Girl is beautiful. Had to be said. Most of the people reading this should know who I mean by "the Girl". I might get a link up to her website later today.

Another day, another BLOG.

Boo yah! Blogginated! So I said, "man, all the cool people have blogs these days", like Maciej and The Siby. Also, The Girl has got herself a website, so I had to do this to keep my technical superiority, although this isn't really as good as a full blown website. So, yeah. Word up to Scho-Bizzle.

The blog is off to a fabulous start. It gets better, really people. Soon ther will be links to entertain your ravening desire for... entertainment.

BLOG.