"'Shoeless Joe' Larsen's Travelling Ragamuffin Band"

Banua was great. That's all I've got at the moment.

Oh yeah?


Which Historical Lunatic Are You?
From the fecund loins of Rum and Monkey.

Mmm. Bavaria, the land of chocolate. Which reminds me, the Oak Park Bakery makes a very good brownie. Or at least, they make a very good half-brownie, as I have no idea how the other half was. I'm looking at you, Mr. Draski.

I'm still waiting for Draski and Finnell to throwdown so they can determine once and for all whether math team or scholastic bowl will hold the ultimate supremacy.

Anyway, Banua approaches with haste. Hope to see a good crowd of people, and some good entertainment. Tom Larsen, master of guitar, and Joe Edmonds, one of few people who play the electric violin, feature prominently. Not that I know Joe Edmonds (I don't even know if I'm spelling his name right) but he has an electric violin, which looks cool.

Also, Matt Pembroke received 4 dollars today in exchange for his eating a stick of chalk. In theory, he did it in exchange for 15 dollars, but the rest may not be forthcoming. It was very impressive in a very stupid way. He ate it all at once too, much to the detriment of his mouth. Chalk, being a very dry, chalky substance, tends to make the mouth dry, so he had some trouble swallowing. Even when he managed to swallow, the entire inside of his mouth was coated with chalk. Teeth, tongue, cheeks, lips, everything. It was moderately disturbing. It is a tragedy that there was no camera.

And with that image, I leave you.

D3 powerhouse directed me here. Fun times.


Which Historical Lunatic Are You?
From the fecund loins of Rum and Monkey.

http://snowflakes.lookandfeel.com

Go there. Be amazed. Enjoy yourself.

Just to make sure that politics is thoroughly beaten into the ground for the week.

My Democratic primary 2004:

Kerry: His campaign people barely got his act together in time for the Iowa Caucus. barely. really, barely. I have a lot of trouble actually hearing Kerry and the tone of his voice is annoying, he always sounds like he's about ready to yawn and he escapes from a monotone. Still, he's a classy guy and clearly knows the issues.

Howie and the Deaniacs (I love Doonsbury, what a perfect word): It's nice he can yell and be dramatic, with qualifications like those he and my younger sibling could have quite the ticket. Lucky for all of us, presidential elec tions are not simply loud drama contests. I have always thought that govenors of small, idiosyncratic states are truly the best comentators on foreign policy, because as we all know Foreign policy is the biggest issue affecting Vermont these days. That and maple syrup.
There's not much point talking about how we shouldn't be going to war either- hello, we've been there for a year already. Let's try yelling about how we plan to resolve the occupation situation and rebuilding issues of Iraq and Afghanistan. Behind the yelling is a fundamental lack of substance.

Edwards: Vote for me I look like Bobby Kennedy. For me, it's not Edwards as a person, it's the south. I just can't stomach listening to the accent. And I vote down the Sunbelt, it's a policy thing. Four years of every time he opens his mouth and being reminded that Alabama is still a part of the US is just not something that I can handle. I am not strong enough.

Joe Lieberman: drop out already

Wesley Clark: What a telegenic man. It's a shame that he entered so late. At this point I hope Kerry takes him for vp. Great speaker.

Al Sharpton: Best debate quotes ever. Should so be beating Lieberman, Edwards, and Kucinich.

Kucinich: He's nuts. really. In his last out of body experience he was an almond. And yet he beats Al Sharpton- proving once again that there is no justice

Germany looks better everyday

It's that lack of respect for saints that leads to all the problems in todays society. I'm very disappointed that you didn't use your study hall for the greater good, Patrick. If you actually applied yourself for 45 minutes three times a week, you'd have perfected that artificial colon by now, or at least created a bike that runs on anti-matter. Sheesh.

Anyway...John Kerry owns all. He got nearly half of the vote in New Hampshire. However, Pat find Kerry boring and would rather have a steamy make-out session with someone like Howard Dean. Then they could follow it up with some crazy, red-faced ranting.

Poor Al Sharpton...he got 0% of the vote.....and every black person in New Hampshire voted for him.
Silly North-East states.....so white.

John Edwards and Wesley Clark hope to gain momentum in the south. This plan might actually work for Edwards because he has a wicked authentic southern accent. It'll draw all those slack-jawed, confederate flag waving yokels out of their dirt-farm shacks and to the polls.

Now that everyone is either enlightened about the Democratic primaries or asleep, I'll sign off.

I encourage everyone to look into the sport of extreme ironing.

Thomas Aquinas: Fighter Pilot!

Yeah, I folded my program into a glider.

Well, there goes study hall.

I know a lot of people have had my father as a teacher but I recently discovered a piece of his hidden past while on Google:

East P.A. hip-hop icon teams up with Sugar Ray
By Davey D

Next time you watch MTV or another music-video station, pay attention to the new Sugar Ray video, ``Mr. Bartender (It's So Easy).'' You might notice a hip-hop icon who hails from East Palo Alto.
We're talking about Marcus McKinley, who once could be heard every Sunday night spitting rhymes and showcasing his music on KZSU's drum show, with host Kevvy Kev.
McKinley has used a variety of professional names. Twelve years ago, we knew him as MC Captain Crunch, but a certain cereal company wasn't feeling him. So he switched up, changing his moniker to C-Funk and forming the group Rated X, which later morphed into the Funk Lab Allstars (they had the hit song ``La Da Da Da''). Now he goes by Prozack, and he has been making major moves since recovering from injuries from in a nearly fatal car crash a year ago.


I think from now on we should all call my dad MC Captain Crunch. If the full article interests you, you'll find it here: http://www.broward.com/mld/mercurynews/entertainment/columnists/davey_d/6109176.htm

Pat predicts radio show--radio show never happens. Pat=bad luck.
Actually, the weather is more to blame for our radio show woes. So much snow.... I would have made it to the show on time, but right before we left for school my old man decides to shovel the walk. Madness.

As far as the sex poetry in English, that's true. Except I think it was "Let's have wild wild Mexican sex."

So anyway, on Saturday Pat went to Lalos and had one too many margaritas. He started hitting on the waitress and tried to impress her with his taco eating skills. Unfortunately, she turned down his propasition because he picked off the tomatoes. That resulted in Pat missing out on some wild wild Mexican sex of his own.

I'll leave it up to you to decide how many of the above statements were lies.

Banua looks like it might not be that bad. Just don't hold me to that. I just wanted to remind everyone to skank in the aisles during the ska band's preformance. For a demonstration on skanking, see Joe "My Dad's a Pirate" O'Conner.

That's really all I have to say for now. Go Jesus!

With Deepest Insanity,
Alex

I heart math class. Estimated math efficiency over the past three classes is 60 out of 135 possible class minutes. It's remarkable. Larsen played "Blackbird" today (excellently), which he is doing in Banua, and before that we did a whole rundown of Banua. Kinnare came in late, so that delayed things a little more. Then at math practice we talked about certain undisclosed Damian-related items. Fascinating, absolutely fascinating. There was a grapefruit involved, but that's not very important. Nothing more can be revealed at this time. As Mr. Finnell said, "Damian is a nice boy."

Anyway, I'm thinking radio show tomorrow. It's going to be fun. The only problem is that The morning slot is pretty tight on time. Primary coverage, State of the Union, and whatever else we pull out of the paper and various other sources.

English class was about 17th-century sex poetry.
"You're not getting any younger. Let's have wild, wild sex." seems to be the theme.

So, Scholastic Bowl, not so good. We sucked, and then we got a little better. 2-3 and three on the day. The B team beat us (not directly, but they went 3-2), with the dynamic duo of Kohout and Brook Smith, who reminds me of a young Peter Gallagher. But anyway, it seems like the team will be in good hands.

Well it's true...I have returned from Kairos. JOY~! and such. It was good times, not life altering times mind you, but good times. The "special" brownies were the best part. Mmmmm....mind altering.

I don't know what Kate's talking about with this whole Democratic candidate thing. I already said that I'm endorsing Al Sharpton and I won't recind that statement unless he drops out of the race. He's the only candidate with universal healthcare coverage. However unrealistic that is, it's still awesome. Plus he went on Real-Time with Bill Mahr (instead of partcipating in the Iowa caucuses) and bashed the crazy Republican guest that were there.

There are way too many distracting things going on in the library right now for me to really say anything else intelligent in this post so I shall leave you now.

SINCERELY~!
Alex

I got my summer internship at the Chicago Council on Foreign Relations aka. CCFR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am very excited about this, even though it doesn't pay, it is awesome. It makes up for me getting a parking ticket while waiting for the return of the K retreat. Although I still can't believe that they gave me a ticket. Still.......JOY~

I think that we should put up an endorsement for a Democratic primary too. Although it's a close call: Clark or Kerry. I mean I thought Clark was the guy when Kerry was dead but now Kerry doesn't appear to be dead anymore. oh well

Soooo, Alex is on Kairos. Things have happened. Now... we wait.
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.
.
.
.
.
.
Yep. I'm pretty excited. Especially with the leader crop that's been working their mojo this time.
.
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Well, I suppose I could do something else while I wait, or I could blog. Technically, I suppose blogging is doing something anyway.

Scholastic bowl, though missing a classy fat man and a certain Mr. To-the-ohout yesterday, beat both Bishop Mac and Providence by respectable margins. Kankakee, however, is too far away from things. Things were said on the van that will not be repeated. No, no Kairos secrets revealed, just a few EXTREMELY disturbing images. I'm still crying on the inside. Well, not really. But my eyes are still bugged out on the inside, or something like that. At least I missed math class.

Today, well, I did get a six on the AtPac contest. Otherwise pretty mediocre, what with the people missing and the suspense. On the other hand, Second semester seems to be revving up fairly gradually, except for English class. Good old Ben Jonson, straight out of the gate and already done, and onto Donne.

"In the war, you were over Oveur and under Unger?"
"No, I was over Unger and Oveur was under Donne"
Ah, Airplane.

Speaking of unlikely speakers of jive, check out the wacky happening on the Larsenblog. Seems to be some sort of freestyle rap battle going on.

Well, I'm done for now. I should do my Donne reading. Or something.

Well it's Tuesday everyone and you know what that means.....RADIO SHOW! That's correct, Pat and I made our triumphant return to radio this morning with a fabulous show that covered topics ranging from Iowa to obesity to woolly breasts. It contained all the Madness that you'd expect from the Albatross Hour coupled with some Beatles for good measure.

The fact that it is Tuesday also means that I leave for Kairos, which I'm sure will be full of naked midgety goodness. After being gone for three months, I come back to school for one day and then leave for a retreat that night....sounds like a plan to me!

The fact that it is Tuesday also means that the State of the Union will be given tonight, which I'm sure will be full of naked midgety goodness. President Bush is set to give the most boring address ever. He already blew his A material on Mars and the Moon last week and he's technically not allowed to threaten any more nations, since America is basically out of army. This means he can't bully North Korea, and any State of the Union that doesn't involve bullying foreign countries just isn't worth watching.

The fact that it is Tuesday also means that the Iowa caucuses concluded last night. I have learned three things from the whole event:
1) Old white farmers have the power to crush the hopes and dreams of Dick Gephart
2) Not even finishing behind "Undecided" can crush the hopes and dreams of Dennis Kucinich
3) The caucus system is totally bogus
Now it's on to New Hampshire. If anyone would like to know who I've endorsed for Democratic Presidential Canidate......listen to the radio show. (I'll give you a hint: His name is the opposite of Dullton)

Well that's all from this colon-less cripple.

Peace and Joy.

Almost forgot: If news has failed to reach you elsewise, Napes has her own blog now. It's neat, and she's doing prolifically, so click that dreamer link.

Also, Tonerboy seems to want to feel the love, and he draws cool pictures, so I am presently mentioning him. Because that's the kind of thing I do.

Look! It's Alex! He lives!

Anyway, I've learned I should never promise to blog things tomorrow, as it causes me to be delayed for several days, and then I feel bad, because , y'know, I've let the readers down and all. And it just won't do to disappoint the fanbase.

Speaking of fanbases, I've got to check if Alex is up for a show the day he gets back, because we've got to get back in the groove of this, and I've had a rant sitting around for months now, which is highly irregular. And Revolver has given me another source of music. Revolver is incredibly, unspeakably awesome. But I digress.

Anyway, I've been distracted the past couple days by finishing the last of my applications. Turned in Oberlin on the 15th with about two hours to spare, and I now have the most appealing backup school ever. Of course, wouldn't you know it, now I have other, secondary apps to do, like the U of I honors app (which I assume is the route to monetary offers thence). Also, I appear to be a candidate for a "Presidential Scholarship", which I suppose I rather prestigious, although at the moment it's registering as "another essay to write." Yay.

By this point I can barely remember that I had finals, but I seem to recall they went well. But the important thing is that DeNico's makes a really good pizza, and a cheap one too. Tuesday was my first DeNico's experience, right after Finals D-day of chem and physics. A very brain-frying day, that, but I managed an A on both.

This week does mark a turning point in my Java enterprises though. I made an actual, marginally useful program: "Charge Field" (don't worry Larsen, GrudgeMonsters goes back into development this week). So I'll be geeking out to my Java-generated electric field lines for a while. I am so awesome.

BLOG.

Also, go Kairos! Joy~! and such. Have fun, all.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I am proud to announce my triumphant return to Bloggination! I've finally decided to drag myself up to the computer and make a post (as well as sort through the billions of backed up e-mails I have)

After missing almost two months of school, I am happy to say that I will be returning to the madness known as Fenwick on Tuesday. At that point I will have to try and find out how the hell I'm going to make up all the work I missed. Hopefully my teachers will just give me an abridged version of the finals and I can leave it at that. Mr. Maietta exempted me and gave me an A. In my opinion that classifies him as the coolest teacher ever. (Kid misses two months of class and his term paper? Ah, he probably would've gotten an A anyway.)

The silly thing is: I'll come back to school on Tuesday and then leave for Kairos that night, which means I'll already miss two days of school the week I come back. But if you put it all in perspective, what's another two days?

For all of you who are wondering, I did, in fact, loose a major organ. But the stupid thing wasn't working right anyway, so I say good riddance. I mean, who needs a large intestine anyway? All it does is absorb water, it's the small intestine that counts, and that works just fine for me. The fun part about all this recovering is that I have to gain back the 35 pounds that I lost. That means eating lots of fatty, delicious foods and not feeling bad that I'm just sitting on the couch watching football.

Unfortunately, my medical hijinx aren't over yet. I still have to get two more surgeries before this whole thing is over. I'll have the next two surgeries within the next 6 months, so that means I'll miss a few more weeks of school before it's finished.

I look forward to seeing everyone on Tuesday, just don't punch me in the gut.

Without a Colon,
Alex

Oh, it's been a crazy two days, hasn't it folks? Not that you know yet. Unless you were there, which you may well have been if you're reading this. But digress... or regress... or something.

So there I was. I'd just finished a terribly easy final in Fr. Joe's Theology class and I was off to Pisani's for a "physics study session." Little did I know what awaited me there. 10 of the smartest minds in the school gathered with one goal in mind: to study physics. I think that once or twice we came close to actually working on something, but that may be wishful thinking. Kohout's new digital camera is very impressive though. I think things really fell apart when Damien uttered those fateful words, "We should re-enact the Last Supper. I want to be Jesus." And that's exactly what we did once the pizza got there. It was splendiferous. There's also a panorama we're waiting for from Kohout. Fun times.

So then we got back to school for the Chemistry study session, which was somewhat more helpful. But it was there that I discovered I'd left my calculator at Pisani's, and that was when things started to fall apart. I got a ride from Kohout back to Pisani's and got the calculator just fine, but when I went back out to Kohout's car, he pulled the old "drive away just as they get to the door" trick on me. And this went on for a few seconds, and since I had gotten the door open, I figured "Well, he's not going that fast, I may as well jump into that moving vehicle. What could possibly go wrong?"

That was precisely the moment when Kohout decided to stop the car. My head collided with the doorframe in a spectacular but non-injurious manner. In the confusion, my calculator fell out of my coat pocket onto the ground beneath the car without anyone noticing. Ten minutes later, I realized that the calculator was once again missing from my person, so we turn around and head back to Pisani's with all proper haste. Kohout raises the possibility that he could have run over the calculator with his back tire, but we dismiss that because he turned pretty quickly after I got in.

So when we get there, lo and behold, there lies the calculator, about two feet from the curb. I pick up my now slightly wet calculator which appears otherwise unharmed. Kohout is relieved that he has not run it over.
"No, I think you ran it over."
"No, I couldn't have."
At this point, I made a brief, cogent remark pointing out the tread-shaped markings on the top side of my calculator.
We proceeded to run a series of tests on the calculator, which, much to our surprise, is none the worse for its sub-vehicular adventure. At some point, we're going to check whether it actually runs faster now.

TI-89: Solid Construction.

You could probably kill somebody with it, if you threw it pretty hard. And then you could use it to calculate it's own trajectory.

Well, that was pretty long. I'll tell you about today tomorrow.

And so then I said, "Alex, if you've just been sitting around all day, why no blog?"
To which he said, "Well, the computer is all the way upstairs, and the chair is really uncomfortable..."

He is recovering form major surgery, so I decided to let it slide. Whereas I have a very comfy chair and am nearly always near my computer, and haven't posted since Tuesday, and decided I ought to rectify that situation today.

So, yesterday, I visited Alex, which could be inferred from the beginning of this post. I went along with Kate and Peter, and it was fun. Even in his weakened state, Alex was still quite capable of beating all of us repeatedly at Mario Kart Double Dash. Actually, the races went consistently Alex 1st, Me 2nd, Peter 3rd, Kate 4th. Alas, the Girl is a neophyte in the realm of Mario Kart. Besides that we watched some football, and discussed what Alex is now forbidden to eat. I designed a prototype for an artificial colon, but at this stage it's really just a length of rubber hose with holes poked in it. I need a grant to improve it.

Before that, the Scho-Bizzle went to the Wheaton North (school of Evil) tournament and made it to the top 16 round, but then we got knocked out in a damnably close match. Our next game would have been against Wheaton North too. And thanks to the Wheaton North news display, we learned that the Wheaton North team is only virtually unbeatable: they're 42-1 on the year.

Going further back in time, on Friday I played Hamlet to great acclaim while wearing blue jeans and a leather jacket. I'm actually quite fond of the leather jacket, which I found in my basement.

On Wednesday, I went to a biker bar with Kate and Casey and my dad. Actually, it was a bicyclist bar & grill, but who's keeping track. Half the menu was vegan and was marked as such by a little ying-yang symbol. But the reason of the visit, was one Al "The Pal" Schorsch and his fabulous banjo music. Banjo music is cool. It was brilliant. He can also play the guitar write hilarious songs. "Sean Williams, Man of the Year" for example, is about a large, angry man whose ID card Al found at a bus station. Further kudos goes to Al's accompanying fiddler, Matt, because, after all, where is a banjo without a fiddle (well, the banjo alone is good too, but it's even better with the fiddle). Anyway, a good time was had by all.

Best quote from Al: "My brain is fraggled."

Monkeybits. (yes, that's what passes for profanity from me these days. Try it, it's fun. Monkeybits!) But anyway, I'm using weird profanity because I forgot to mention one of the more interesting parts of the Kaneland episode. You see, after the morning rounds, both Fenwick A and Fenwick B got into the afternoon tournament. So, naturally, our first match was, brilliantly, Fenwick A vs. Fenwick B. I should hardly need to say this, but Fenwick A won.

Anyway, going back to school Monday was not the best of experiences (Kate continues to insist that it is a dreadful tragedy that I don't, in general, enjoy school). Speaking of Kate, The more enjoyable part of my Monday was spent with her. We almost went sledding. Instead, taking the natural course of action on a freezingly cold day, we had ice cream. There was hot fudge too, so I suppose we don't seem quite so insane if that's considered.

For the moment I have to deal with a certain Mr. Hamlet andthat bastard Shakespeare.

It seems, at least in my experience that something "a little off" always happens at Kaneland. During both of my two trips there, I was taken to be the Fenwick Scholastic Bowl Coach. And then there was the almost winning the whole tournament and the hand breaking incident and the parcelling out of the seven deadly sins.

I have to admit that I am a little less than thrilled about the title that Pat has recently come by. Although I probably should be more worried about his threat to bring out my inner nerd once and for all and release it on an unsuspecting world. I plan to counteract by pushing the arts front specifically (guitar and swing). And baking, must not forget the baking. And skiing

Casey will from now on be connected with volleyballs in my mind. which is intensely amusing.

Hopefully the good Dr. Suspendo will be back in action on blog, radio, and in person. He has created the perfect excuse to go out to eat if ever one was needed. And I have really good Ginza pictures for him.

Boo to the Chicago Tribune for making people pay to access their archives- yet another reason why the NYT is such a better paper. They aren't stingy

Yay to the belated sledding excursion tommorrow. Hopefully Pat will have recovered from the Dean v. Bush debate yesterday and his electrolyte balance will have returned to normal, thus he will no longer be in complete shock.

No, the blog is not dead yet. But college apps, man, college apps right up until 8 PM on the 1st. So my New Year's Eve wasn't very interesting. Basically, I wrote an essay for MIT about the challenge of doing college apps, and when it get up to about 4/5 of the way through, the essay starts talking about itself. Then on New Year's I wrote an essay for U of C about the dark and terrible origins of The Platypus:

"The mystery of the platypus has puzzled humanity for centuries -- nay, for millennia. It is one of those peculiar irrationalities of the universe that can send most philosophers into fevered, frenzied fits of gibbering. Some claim its improbability to be proof of the divine. Others, faced with the stark madness of the creatureÂ’s anatomy, insist that there is no god. Still others hint that it is but one piece in a vast, dark conspiracy that will someday shake the Earth to its very core. I think itÂ’s neat..."

And so on. It worthy of being a rant. If I get lazy about writing material for the show, it may very well become a rant, and now that I've talked it up so much, I suppose I'll have to read it at some point.

On that note, there may very well actually be more of the show soon, as my charming co-host, Alex McKinley, is out of the hospital after losing only one major organ. He's doing well, and amazingly, despite being incapacitated, still appears to have better knowledge of Fenwick gossip than I do. Go Alex!

Scho-bowl today was pretty cool. We got 5th place in the Kaneland tournament. Note that in this case "Kane" refers to Kane county, and is located at approximately "way the hell out and gone" from Fenwick. My high point of the day was a super-bonus set during the morning rounds. Subject: Dungeons & Dragons. Aw yeah.
1. Bard
2. Divine
3. Rage
4.To Hit Armor Class 0, W00T!
5. Raistlin Majere

-Pat "The Dungeon Master" Lange