What quality news we have in Chicago. These headlines are courtesy of M. McKinz.

Actual Headlines from the Chicago Sun-Times: April 6, 2005


Acting River Grove Mayor Defeats Genital-Piercing Rival

Missing Man Finally Found--In Elevator

Cops Don't Like Strip Club's Art of the Peel

Protests Erupt After Ms. Wheelchair Loses Title For Being Seen Standing

Ex-Maid Says She Saw Singer Laughing in Shower With Boy

Thompson Going Out With A Bang--Wife To Shoot Ashes From Cannon

Bishop: I Never Suggested Jesus Was Gay

They Might Not Be Vampires, but Bats Bite

Daly, Hooters, Match Made in Marketing

Hair Thieves Leave Horses With No Tales To Tell

Escaped Convict Found With Warden's Wife After 11 Years

Married Cousins Say Their Love is More Than a Family Affair