Yes, I've finally done it. I'm proud to announce my triumphant return to social commentary! That's right. I've finally written another rant. Hope y'all like it.

Editorial of a Madman XXI:
Giving up Sanity for the Sake of Our Lord
Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. Yes, it’s that time of year again: A time of chaos and uncertainty, a time of loss and pain for billions, a time momentarily preceded by wild and crazy partying in New Orleans. Yes, it’s that time of year again. Yes, it’s Lent.

The term Lent, of course, originally refers to the fact that at this point in his career, Jesus was “living on borrowed time”, according to this passage from Paul’s second letter to the Decepticons:

“(1) Yea verily, for lo, Our Lord went into the city of Jerusalem a hunted man, and his life was on loan from the Sanhedrin, (2) yet they darest not pick him up in the midst of the disciples, for they were turkeys. (3) And lo, forsooth, that very Tuesday Our Lord went into the house where he was staying with a crowd of the disciples, (4) and there he taught them, ate with them, and got shit-faced, that he might demonstrate the cowardice of the Sanhedrin.”

This, of course, is the origin of Mardi Gras, which was moved to the preceding Tuesday so as not to interfere with the feng shui of Lent, which, in light of later events, became a time of fasting and repentance, rather than continued partying down.

But is the Lent of this day and age really true to the spirit of Lent? Has Lent, like Ramadan and Yom Kippur before it, become just another over-commercialized fast-fest? Are we simply wandering in a spiritual desert of readymade Lent sentiments and pagan symbolism? Are we abstaining from true religious meaning? Perhaps.

Few are aware, for example, that for most of the year, the Easter Bunny works as a homosexual Jewish pornographer, a fact that is both disturbing and, for all you know, accurate. But, in reality, the problems of Easter are an entirely different issue from the problems of Lent. We’ve all seen it: The Lent decoration start going up in January, and less commercial, but no less meaningful, holidays like President’s Day, Earth Day, and National Pig Day (March 1st), fall by the wayside. Valentine’s Day, of course, is no more than a bitter, resentful footnote surrounded by failed resolutions against eating chocolate. Some would argue that Valentine’s Day is an integral to compelling a true spirit of suffering and resolve in Lent. Others would suggest that these people are in need of a stiff drink. This usually ends theological discourse, but I digress. In fact, I digress constantly and enthusiastically.

So it was written, so it shall be done,
Doctor Funk