In accordance with the provisional nature of truth, or perhaps due to a profound misunderstanding of the nature of sin*, the church of irony releases an annual list of what it deems to be the seven deadliest sins. The perennial favorite, taking the top spot in the 68 of the the past 97 years, has been "genocide,"** though in recent years "drunk driving" has also been a strong contender. Still, the criteria used are complex and multi-dimensional, which has led to such surprises as the 1948 victory for "talking in the theater", as well as a strong #3 finish for "mid-air adultery" in 1997. Less surprisingly, "Vodka shots on the job" jumped to the top of the list in 1986.
The theological implications of this list are somewhat sparse. The church faithful*** are cautioned to avoid sin, unless it will make for an interesting story later on. In so far as many of the top contenders have become clichéd, the church encourages turnover in the list (which is to say, the faithful are encouraged to sin originally). The official church teaching on sin is that there is no such thing as sin, which makes the whole affair somewhat perplexing.
Nonetheless, this year's list has been made available, for the benefit of all those who are both sinners and not yet dead.
7. Bear-baiting
6. Groundwater contamination
5. Auto-erotic asphyxiation ****
4. Fighting a land war in Asia
2. Genocide
1. Hubris
In related news, the award for "Best Sin in a Cable Documentary" goes to Jersey Shore.
* The church holds that misunderstanding is the most profound form of understanding.
** There has been much debate whether the church's related "Seven Deadliest Sinners" list should be based on amortized rates, proportion of population, or raw totals.
*** This term is not strictly accurate.
**** Be aware that the church often blurs the line between "sin" and "clearly not a good idea."
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