Terror from the Deep

Remember that scene in Independence Day where the alien breaks loose in the lab and controls the dead scientist with his tentacles?

Your nightmares have arrived.

In Which the Chinese will Destroy Us All

I took this picture with the most ridiculously lousy camera I have ever seen, and I include my cell phone. It is 2-1/2" x 1-3/4" x 3/4" and it cost me $9.99. I did not expect much, but all the same I had to buy it, just to reconcile the concept of "10-dollar digital camera" with my reality. With a maximum resolution of 352x288 (and many of these pixels are dead), it is just over 30% as resolute as my free-with-contract phone.

On the other hand, Verizon charges $0.25 per picture I take off my phone.

And even more ridiculously, the thing is also a fully functional webcam, a function for which it is somewhat less embarassing, especially for 10 bucks.

To put some perspective on this, try to guess how long ago this shit would have been state-of-the-art spy hardware. "Agent Slaptyback, take this camera: it fits in the palm of your hand, doesn't use film, and can provide a live video feed once you've planted it."

And it's a keychain!

Insult to Injury

I was watching last Thursday's Daily Show on Hulu, which features a segment on the failing American auto industry. It was brought to me, per Hulu standards, by a single sponsor: Nissan.

No Manhattan is an Island

...Actually it's quite a nice island.

I live near the highest point of an island made of solid rock. This is a very strange notion. I discovered this evening that a mere quarter-mile east of me is quite a stunning overlook, consisting of massive, irregular pieces of jutting bedrock. The view is perhaps less stunning than the overlook, but it offers the Harlem River, high-rise across the way in the Bronx, and some very large bridges to the South -- all lit up bright as day, of course.

A quarter-mile can get you quite out of the way, relatively speaking. I haven't been that way before, as my block is bounded by Broadway and St. Nicholas, both major streets (Broadway, you might have guessed) that supply pretty much anything you can think of, and I have been preoccupied with exploring these for food and supplies. The side streets along the... side... of the island are quite deserted at 8 PM, and rather spooky, with empty playgrounds and basketball courts in the park just down the slope.

I imagine it is quite pleasant and pretty in the daytime (especially when it isn't winter), in much the same way as the lakefront in Chicago (though a bit steeper). It's surprisingly easy to gain a sense of stillness and isolation, even in such a busy area.

Tragedies

-That I cannot find a useful sports bar within walking distance of my apartment. Lacking anyone to see the Bears game with, I inquired with Google Maps. The suggested bar did not exist, although another may be "coming soon" to replace it. I then wandered randomly southeast, and chanced upon another supposed "sports bar" ... which was also closed. Highly mysterious.

-That I don't get a chance to wander about the neighborhood more often. The latter sports bar was along Harlem River Drive, which supplies a scenic overlook of the river and the Bronx. Manhattan is really quite pretty around the edges. I live at more or less the highest point on the island (also near the proudly-labeled "Highest Laundromat") . The structure of my work day (~7:30-5:30) prevents me from doing much during daylight during the week.

-That I don't own a camera. It's on my short list of things to acquire, after which this blog will become much more visual.

Non-Tragedy:
I have successfully acquired a couch from the furniture store down the street. Additionally, it folds down into a bed. Surprisingly, it is a better bed as a couch than as a bed. C'est la vie.

The Long Road Back to Civilization

Today I bought a toaster, and a bottle opener, and a pot in which to cook pasta. Perhaps tomorrow I will buy pasta. The unfurnished life presents challenges; On arrival, my parents and I were forced to open beer with a slot-jaw wrench, because they had gotten me a 155-piece tool set, but no bottle opener. I have been using the box cutter to make curtains, as mentioned Wednesday.

Perhaps someday soon I shall own a couch.

I go now to drink El Presidente, a Dominican beer in a Czech style (Pilsener). It is pretty good, actually.

Water Hazard

In the shower, the "C" knob should be understood to mean "Caliente." The "H" indicates "Hola, tengo agua fria." The can lead to confusion.

Strangely enough, this was the case in my last apartment as well. Credit for the "caliente" line goes to this fellow, who is on the run from the law in Nicaragua.

One Day in New York City, Baby...

-Actually, it's been five days, but Neutral Milk Hotel ("Ghost") is still stuck in my head. I arrived Friday afternoon with my parents, and proceded to haul various of my belongings up to the fourth floor of a pre-war building in Washington Heights, a neighborhood less than half a mile wide, due to the difficulty of building on the East and Hudson Rivers.

-Yes, I have an apartment. All by me onesies, as they say here -- actually, that may be London, I 'll get back to you. I have begun decorating, mainly by recasting dollar-store shower curtains as non-shower curtains (thrift is the new irony).

-And by God, there are a lot of dollar stores, but there's one in my neighborhood that actually means it. Anything without a label is 99 cents. So technically it is a 99-cent store, and is labeled as such.

-One of the distinguishing features of New York is that most things are bigger, and those which are not are comically small. There are 20 Manhattan blocks per mile, yet each contains at least one each of grocery, pharmacy, laundromat, 99-cent store, Chinese restaurant, deli, and liquor store. The average "supermarket" is under 12 feet wide.

-Also, the average liquor store does not sell beer, but is strictly "wine and liquors." The silver lining here is that the pharmacy will sell you beer. Aren't liquor laws wacky?

-As an aside, I do not recommend Leinenkugel's "Sunset Wheat". Normally I am enthused about beers involving wheat. However, this is because most such beers do not taste alarmingly of Fruity Pebbles. A little heavy on the "natural flavors" added, guys.

-I have seen the face of evil and it is IKEA. Specifically, the IKEA on Red Hook, which is a tremendously unhelpful series of labyrinths for anyone who does not intend to build a new house and fill it entirely with IKEA furniture. This would not be so bad, except that getting onto Red Hook is impossible via surface roads. It took us quite a while to learn this. The advantage of Red Hook is that the IKEA store actually has its own dock and cranes. Yes, on the ocean. Did I mention it's rather large? On the upside, I have gained, for very reasonable prices, two tables, two chairs, and a bookcase. Hooray sitting!

-Hooray free internet. I have yet to register for internet service or any utilities. Also, I sleep on an air mattress. Were it not for the obscenity that is my rent, I could be squatting.

-I tried to get a sofa-bed at IKEA, but the cheap one was sold out. Unlike every other sold-out item, it was not labeled as such (I repeat, face of evil).

COMING SOON: 10-hour workdays: Also the face of evil?

r.i.p. studs

Experiments in XML

Blogger has changed the operation of it's templates again. I am told I can use a plethora of "widgets" and a graphical interface. I am seeing how much of that I can bypass by parsing this new template and just working with text.

Also, I figured how to add goddamn titles to our posts.